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Old Men’s Tales


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Everything Hurts

From the crown of my curly head
to the soles of my stinking feet
I got pains and aches and stabs
The coverage is quite complete

I’m of an age where all my parts
If it moves or bends or squirts
This old body is worn right out
And everything everything hurts

I got a throbbing headache
I got a tooth that hurts my face
My neck it hurts when I look left
And my back hurts every place

I’m of an age where all my parts
If it moves or bends or squirts
This old body is worn right out
And everything everything hurts

My stomach is all queasy
Musta been the greasy food I ate
My hip hurts if I sit too long
And when I walk my knee joints grate

I’m of an age where all my parts
If it moves or bends or squirts
This old body is worn right out
And everything everything hurts

When I look at my old pictures
Of people I have told good bye
Remembering my wife and friends
My heart hurts so bad I might cry

I’m of an age where all my parts
If it moves or bends or squirts
This old body is worn right out
And everything everything hurts

I’m of an age where all my parts
If it moves or bends or squirts
This old body is worn right out
And everything everything hurts

Everything everything everything everything
Everything everything hurts
Everything everything everything everything
Everything everything hurts

Hot Flash

Woke up this morning with a hot flash
Went to the bathroom tried a cold splash
Don’t matter where I’m going
It’s hot and I’m glowing
Downed all the coffee made a moustache

I gotta
I gotta
hot flash hot flash
I gotta
I gotta
hot hot flash

I drove through traffic with a hot flash
Managed to do that without a crash
Don’t matter where I’m going
It’s hot and I’m glowing
Popped everyone the bird like I’m white trash

I gotta
I gotta
hot flash hot flash
I gotta
I gotta
hot hot flash

I gotta
I gotta
hot flash hot flash
I gotta
I gotta
hot flash
hot hot flash

Did grocery shopping with a hot flash
I had a long list it was slap dash
Don’t matter where I’m going
It’s hot and I’m glowing
And picked up some meds for a weird rash

I gotta
I gotta
hot flash hot flash
I gotta
I gotta
hot hot flash

I gotta
I gotta
hot flash hot flash
I gotta
I gotta
hot flash
hot hot flash

Burnin’ up
Burnin’ down

Out of Touch

This is what I wear when I travel
This is what I put on to impress
This is what I usually wear when
I don’t care about how I dress

Just one look around and I confessed
I’m outta touch and have not progressed

Things are cool but
I know them not
Things are bad but
That’s not what I thought
I’m out of touch
Out of touch

This is what I use when I play a game
This is what I use to clean the floor
This is how I get the groceries
From the store all the way to my door

Just one look around and I confessed
I’m outta touch and have not progressed

Things are cool but
I know them not
Things are bad but
That’s not what I thought
I’m out of touch
Out of touch

This is what I see when I see you
This is what I thought you’d be about
This is what I thought that you would say
But you’ve grown a lot and there is no doubt

Just one look around and I confessed
I’m outta touch and have not progressed

Things are cool but
I know them not
Things are bad but
That’s not what I thought
I’m out of touch
Out of touch

Things are cool but
I know them not
Things are bad but
That’s not what I thought
I’m out of touch
Out of touch

I’m out of touch
Out of touch

I’m out of touch
Out of touch

Hear Me Out

Hear me out
Don’t let it go
Open your ears and get in the know please
Hear me out
Let’s talk it through
I’ve tried before now why can’t you

Listen
Let’s not fight
I’ll be nice I’ll be polite just
Listen
Just a sec
It might hurt but won’t break your neck

Hear me out
I’ll say it again
You’ve been gas lit forget the spin please
Hear me out
I’m in your crew
I’m talking now so why won’t you please

Listen
Let’s not fight
I’ll be nice I’ll be polite just
Listen
Just a sec
It might hurt but won’t break your neck
Please

Hear me out
I won’t be long
You need to hear this it won’t be wrong
Hear me out
Let’s shoot the breeze
I wish you’d unstop your ears and please

Listen
Hear me out
Hear me out

Listen
Let’s not fight
I’ll be nice I’ll be polite just
Listen
Just a sec
It might hurt but won’t break your neck
Please

Hear me out
Hear me out

Hear me out
Don’t make that face
If not here then let’s go someplace
Hear me out
As we’ve discussed
I explained it all before so please just

Listen
Let’s not fight
I’ll be nice I’ll be polite just
Listen
Just a sec
It might hurt but won’t break your neck

Listen
Let’s not fight
I’ll be nice I’ll be polite just
Listen
Just a sec
It might hurt but won’t break your neck

Listen
Listen
Listen
Listen

Maybe It’s Time

I watched a man get covered up
By agents of the government
He was killed after being beaten
It was nothing I could prevent

I will never let you know
What I feel like God forbid
Right now I feel like crying
Maybe it’s time that I did

Maybe it’s time that I

I watched a woman getting shot
Through the windshield of her car
She was just trying to get away
The saddest thing I’d seen so far

I will never let you know
What I feel like God forbid
Right now I feel like crying
Maybe it’s time that I did

I will never let you know
What I feel like God forbid
Right now I feel like crying
Maybe it’s time that I did

I watched the highest in the land
Protection is one of his aims
He should have mourned those who had died
But instead he just called them names

I will never let you know
What I feel like God forbid
Right now I feel like crying
Maybe it’s time that I did

I will never let you know
What I feel like God forbid
Right now I feel like crying
Maybe it’s time that I did

Meanwhile In Austin

They’re fighting tyranny
They’re fighting overreach
They’re claiming liberty

Meanwhile in Austin
Someone’s mowing the lawn
Someone’s putting on makeup
Wondering what to pawn
Meanwhile in Austin

They’re saying to stand tall
They’re calling us to fight
They’re calling on us all

Meanwhile in Austin
Someone’s mowing the lawn
Someone’s putting on makeup
Wondering what to pawn

Meanwhile in Austin
Someone’s getting paid
Someone’s buying a guitar
Someone is throwing shade

They’re calling out the ICE
They’re calling out the censors
They are not playing nice

They’re fighting abused power
They’re saving the whole world
They’re having their finest hour

Meanwhile in Austin
Someone’s mowing the lawn
Someone’s putting on makeup
Wondering what to pawn

Meanwhile in Austin
Someone is getting paid
Someone is buying a guitar
Someone is throwing shade

Meanwhile in Austin
Someone’s cursing the lights
Someone’s having a baby
Someone’s having last rites

Meanwhile in Austin
Someone’s mowing the lawn
Someone’s buying a guitar
Someone’s having last rites

Meanwhile in Austin

Fine Right Now

I’ve heard of all the benefits
Of exercise every day
That just sounds exhausting
I’ll skip out if that’s OK

Give me my chicken fried
Give me my red meat raw
Fill my plate with tater tots
And slather me in alcohol

‘Cause I feel
Fine right now
Might not later on
but I feel
Fine right now
And soon I will be gone

Maybe I need to lose some weight
Get back to my beach bod
I’d like that but better not
It would just be a facade

Give me my chicken fried
Give me my red meat raw
Fill my plate with tater tots
And slather me in alcohol

‘Cause I feel
Fine right now
Might not later on
but I feel
Fine right now
And soon I will be gone

I guess I should eat healthier
Something that tastes like kale
But I don’t feel like eating that
Think I’ll stick with my cocktail

Give me my chicken fried
Give me my red meat raw
Fill my plate with tater tots
And slather me in alcohol

‘Cause I feel
Fine right now
Might not later on
but I feel
Fine right now
And soon I will be gone

Should I give up my cigars?
Is it time to quit smoking?
I dunno that seems extreme
Too much of a good thing

Give me my chicken fried
Give me my red meat raw

‘Cause I feel
Fine right now
Might not later on
but I feel
Fine right now
And soon I will be gone

‘Cause I feel
Fine right now
Might not later on
but I feel
Fine right now
And soon I will be gone
soon I will be
soon I will be
soon I will be gone

Forgot That I Am Dying

Had a major melt down
The airline lost my bags
But in the grand scheme of things
My clothes are really just rags

Forgot that I am dying
My days are going to end
Is this how I use those days?
Irrelevant and pretend?

Burned the burgers again
I was way too carefree
But In the grand scheme of things
My grill skill is not me

Forgot that I am dying
My days are going to end
Is this how I use those days?
Irrelevant and pretend?

Got in an argument
It’s stupid now I know
‘Cause In the grand scheme of things
It isn’t apropos

Forgot that I am dying
My days are going to end
Is this how I use those days?
Irrelevant and pretend?

Forgot that I am dying
My days are going to end
Is this how I use those days?
Irrelevant and pretend?

What A Day

Sun is out
Will you just take a look?
Sun is out today, aye
Sun is out
No more dark clouds in the way

What a day!
We can start anything
What a day
Today, aye
What a day!
We can do anything
What a day today

It’s just right
I might just put on shorts
It’s just right today, aye
It’s just right
The sun is out here to stay

What a day!
We can start anything
What a day today, aye
What a day!
We can do anything
What a day today

Feel that breeze?
I’m so optimistic
Feel that breeze today, aye
Feel that breeze?
It makes me want to go play

What a day!
We can start anything
What a day today, aye
What a day!
We can do anything
What a day today!

What a day!
We can start anything
What a day today, aye
What a day!
We can do anything
What a day today!